Papa's Got a Brand New Watch

OBAMA OBVIOUSLY HAS A NEW WATCH, SAYS BROWN

PRESIDENT Obama clearly has a new watch and is fascinated with it, Gordon Brown revealed last night.

It is a really nice one actually
Following his first meeting with the new president Mr Brown said Britain and the United States must work together to create a new age of global stability where everyone can have a watch as nice as that.

The prime minister added: "I was making some very insightful points about Fred Goodwin's pension, but he just kept looking at that watch and I'm thinking, 'gosh, it must be a really good one'.

"Eventually I asked him if I could have a look at it but he said no, it was a special watch they only give to presidents and astronauts and that I might break it.

"I pointed out that I don't break things and that all of my watches have been broken by an extraordinary combination of global circumstances."

The prime minister said it was unfortunate a planned press conference had been cancelled due to 'a pack of Alaskan timber wolves on the White House lawn' but dismissed claims he had been snubbed, adding: "He knew my first name. Does he know your first name? I didn't think so."

Despite the distraction of his new watch Mr Obama did find time to send a series of Twitter messages including, 'oh fuck, why did i agree to this?', 'should have met the french guy instead' and 'note to pentagon - phone me now and pretend it's really important'.

Meanwhile Mr Brown again stressed the British economy is nothing to do with him and published a list of people who were to blame including Alan Milburn, Geoffrey Howe, former Eastender Michelle Gayle and K-9, the robot dog from Doctor Who.

VCR Hack!

Never Mind the Words, Just Listen to the Accents

Sudan Passes Campaign-Finance Reform; You Can't Make this Stuff Up.

Well, you can, actually.

Sudan Passes Campaign-Finance Reform
from The Onion
KHARTOUM, SUDAN—In what is being hailed as a major step toward making presidential contests more fair and equal, the Sudanese legislature approved sweeping campaign-finance reform Monday, passing a bill limiting all candidates to 500,000 rounds of 7.62mm ammunition.